Monday, June 25, 2012

On Marrying your 'own' - which even the US Govt endorses.

Just a Rant...
People struggle to understand each other within their own household, their own language, their own culture, and nation. It’s difficult for us to understand each other in our own context, so what about the men and women who take on partners from different cultures or nations completely?

The more you travel, the more you see it. I’ve known Saudi’s married to Americans, Tunisians married to Brits, Japanese married to Moroccans, Senegalese married to French, Black Americans married to White Americans; the deeper one goes into each culture the clearer one can see the social stigmas and the pressures that are placed on the individuals who choose to date across borders, tribes, customs, and cultures; these stigmas come from both sides, as it appears to me the world loves when people stick to the status quo.
Before I moved to Saudi Arabia, I received an email that was sent out by the United States Embassy in Saudi Arabia, with a strong message – pleading its American women not to wed Saudi men. I was shocked to see an official message from the US government giving relationship advice to its citizens. Most of the message can still be found on the US governments official travel website: It’s more than 2,000 words and about four pages of “advice” to American women. In my eyes, rather than advising its citizens – the document ends up homogenizing the Saudi Arabian people, gives a very strong anti-Islamic tone, and oversimplifies “Sharia” law in a paranoid message that almost clearly tells American women to stay clear of Saudi nationals.
The message states that surely the American woman’s marriage will be doomed to her baring a daughter that is “naturally inclined to cover her hair and wear and Abaya”, God forbid her daughter will probably be a “devout” (they say it in SUCH a negative tone) Muslim who will “probably marry her first cousin”.
The US embassy also states that “In principle all Saudi men must marry Muslims or converts to Islam” (though this is not true in Islam). And that “Most (Saudi) husbands will not approve of a wife working outside the home”. They also end their message by stating that if the American ex-wife (because clearly that’s what they believe she will become) ever wants to visit her children (of which she will not have custody) in Saudi Arabia, the husbands second wife will probably become very jealous.
Fucking Hell. A Sarcastic Bravo to you, US government, Fucking Embarrassing.
Not only is the American government not supporting your cross-cultural doomed marriage to a “crazy Muslim”, but the culture in which you have married into often wants nothing more than to kick you out. {Quickly, I feel the need to give a serious Bravo to the Senegalese people. This is the one culture where although I know the cultural stigmas do exist, I have seen more acceptance and openness from old-to-young generations than anywhere else in the world to inter-cultural marriages (Though the visa-chasers are a definite problem – but that’s another story).}
I remember a blond woman telling her story how she was with her Saudi husband holding their baby while three Saudi girls were hitting on her husband right in front of her – she knew they were provoking her and stated she knew they wouldn’t dare do so if she had been a Saudi woman. My British friend in Tunisia dedicated four years of her life to her Tunisian boyfriend, who refused to take responsibility for her because his mother didn’t want him married to a foreigner. My ex-Fiance’s mother went on a “hunger strike” demanding that he not marry me – “the American national who would divorce him and steal his children” - but rather someone from her hometown (that he had never lived in). I saw a black American woman grab a white American woman’s husband’s crotch in front of her and tell her she “couldn’t handle this”. I know Tunisian women who feel justified in chasing and sleeping with married Tunisian men because “his wife is a colonist French bitch”. Or the simple statements – hopefully you’re girlfriend is Saudi, because you deserve “better than a foreigner”.
Well, Fuck you all.
My vision of love, understanding, equality and happiness goes beyond these small minds - these selfish women and my stupid US government whose small minds can see nothing beyond colors, lines, borders, stereotypes, appearances, etc. I know there are horror stories, but there are horror stories between people from the same city, the same family, the same tribe, the same everything. The more we try to divide the more ridiculous we look, there is strength in diversity. Even fucking science encourages inter-racial marriages as many diseases certain ethnicities are prone to getting can be wiped out in their mixed-race children. If that isn’t a fucking obvious sign from God, then I don’t know what other proof people need.
At the end of the day, people are just fucking people, and nobody is better than anyone else. There are shitter people than you, and better people than you – in every nation and color around the world.
Ladies, fucking hell, can we just support each other, rather than make it into some culturalistic , narrow-minded battle! Use your minds and vaginas wisely...
Rant Finished.

1 comment:

  1. I think I just fell in love with you :)

    Great blog - passionate and well argued piece. I rant about this issue all the time. I have friends and family that married outside of the culturally accepted ethnic or racial norms and they ended up being disowned and ostracized.

    Personally if I had to find a woman from a different ethnic or racial background who embodies all the qualities I am looking for I would have no qualms marrying her. I think it is important to diversify our thinking - easier said than done though!